* Jack was the original choice to play the lead role in the movie, ""Boys Don't Cry"". Hilary Swank replaced him because test audiences found him to be gayer than 9 guys blowing 8 guys.\r
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* Jack's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong.""\r
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* I once saw Jack scissor-kick Angela Lansbury.""\r
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* Did I ever tell you about the time Jack took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Jack takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half ? until sure enough, someone constructs a bar around us. Well, the day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Jack yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found 'em!'""\r
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* Jack once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road.""\r
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* Jack hates Mexicans! And he's half-Mexican! ...And he hates irony!""\r
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* Jack did all the makeup on the Planet of the Apes movies.""\r
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* Jack drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.""\r
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* Jack orchestrated the merger between UNICEF and Smith & Wesson.""\r
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# ""We once had a bachelor party for Jack. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.""\r
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# If you drop a phonograph needle on Jack's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' Pet Sounds, backwards.""\r
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* Did I ever tell you about the time he taught his son how to drive? He did it by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Jack said it would've happened sometime.""\r
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# ""Jack breastfed John Madden!""\r
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* Jack does not sleep. He passes out after two wine coolers.
Pros: yay
Cons: yay
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