I dined this week at Kendall’s due to its convenient location to the theatre even though past experience has taught me that the food is overpriced & below average. Little did I know that while I ate the tiniest saltiest portion of hot salmon served cold & my friend was trying to make excuses for the undercooked flank steak smothered in burnt shallots & garnished with soggy fries, that the table next to me was about to experience every diner’s nightmare. \r
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A lovely lady, enjoying her wine & salad, suddenly erupted & jumped up in a scream that instantly revealed a three inch long cockroach stranded upside down alongside her pale green salad. Talk about a garnish. She explained that the cockroach fell from the ceiling or crawled onto her from the ledge behind her neck, travelled along her blonde hair which she mildly touched thinking a draft was disturbing her locks, finally to reveal itself as six legs crawling along the underside of her chin at which point she quickly jerked her hand against her neck and out flew our pale brown winged friend bouncing first into the salad & then out onto the table.\r
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After dousing herself with Purell she received her mushroom risotto which she didn’t touch, an unfortunate unpredictable earlier order since the mushrooms mimicked a close kinship in size and color to the cockroach served earlier. Insert gag reflex here. She did accept a complimentary second glass of red wine and I have a feeling she could have imbibed a third. We all could have. A bottle on the house would have been more appropriate. The woman on the other side of them was visibly shacking as she was escorted with her date to another section of the restaurant. Doubtful she enjoyed her bland French onion soup no matter where she sat. She must have been thinking, “What’s beneath all that crusty Gruyere?” Well, whatever it is, it'll blend right in. \r
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My table, for having been offered the best view of the upside down wiggling roach, legs extending upwards desperate for a salad leaf to right itself into flying position, was not even offered an apology, not even a glancing excusez moi monsieurs. Still, the husband had to pay for his meal! Oh, Mon Dieu! I couldn’t help but think of comparisons to Victor Victoria when the waiter turns to the male guest & says, “There is still the matter of your bill Monsieur. There was no cock-a-roach in your salad.” When you pay this amount for food, it’s not just the food you pay for – in this case it’s definitely not - it’s the ambience and suffice it to say Kendall’s has become a hot dog stand. My apologies to the famous American sausage. \r
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As we all left together having made fast new friends we passed the manager & the hosts at the front of the restaurant who managed only a tight small smile. When the Lady of the Cockroach passed by she politely giggled, “It was an interesting evening ,” & nothing much else could be said, especially not by management who stared back at us, frozen in time, perhaps from our warp speed escape. It’s obvious neither the evening’s management nor the Patina Restaurant Group knows how to exhibit grace under pressure, quality control, or sanitation requirements. As we left through the wide restaurant doors it was just tight lips pressed up against us and in this town of gossip I couldn’t have prepared a better dish. Bon Appétit. \r
Pros: At least the doors are wide enough for a quick escape
Cons: If it doesn't come with Anntenae, it's just not Patina
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