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Review content:
One could make a living as an "Urth Caffe coach." There are so many conditions, caviats and restrictions to this place, it's borderline lunacy. Let's begin with the parking: none. Melrose narrows to one lane here, and after making fifteen sortees past perpetually-parked cars (each costing 3-4X more than yours), one is ready to call it quits. Then there's the line: a thick, teeming mass of bodies packed near the front door and spilling out onto the stairs. No signs, no explanations: just mass confusion as everyone jockeys for position. If you're able to deploy an agile dwarf through the wall of humanity in order to retrieve a menu, you'll notice dozens of yummy choices. Try to read quickly as Mexican busboys narrowly miss you with trays fill of dishes, squeezing between customers as they work their way in and out. Shout your order loudly over the din of the crowd. Then comes the fun part: looking for a place to sit. Indoors? HAH! Good luck. They have about 3 tables inside, and they're already taken (at double occupancy). Perhaps outdoors? Watch out for that doggie leash! A thousand high-maintenance golddiggers are seated outdoors, each in a terrycloth tracksuit, yapping away on their Razrs behind oversized Jackie-O sunglasses. Hold your breath past the dozen chainsmokers (enjoying their healthy, natural food in the healthy, natural fresh air). If you're lucky enough to find an open table before your food is ready, then you can brace yourself for the screaming brats (No, Taylor, mommy said no!), the homeless panhandlers, the can't-help-but-overhear-them cellphone conversations, the parade of dogs, and the car exhaust. Enjoy! [On a lighter note, the food is excellent and the busboys go out of their way to assist you.]
Pros: Excellent food, prompt and friendly service from the busboys
Cons: Where do I start? Noisy, overcrowded with annoying, self-important customers...
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