Here's a Yellow Dog Cafe gameplan: Keep your wits about you and your wallet in your front pocket if you venture into the Yellow Dog Cafe. Try not to be star struck by the $27 cookbook bearing the restaurant's name. Make sure you are not interested in an evenly-paced meal. Plan to pay more than you would at Bern's in Tampa or Gramercy Tavern in NYC. And, finally, keep your taste expectations at ankle level.
Have you ever left a restaurant feeling as if you just got off a bus in Rome with half of what you got on with? I have. Five family members and I recently had a meal at Yellow Dog Cafe (no relation at all to Yellow Dog Eats in Gotha, Florida, of which I am a fan). The combination of amateurish and insincere service, reckless pacing, pedestrian food, and inexcusable pricing made for a meal worth warning others about.
Let's get credibility issues off the table. I've eaten in restaurants of varying quality around the world. I have happily paid well more than two hundred dollars per person when warranted. A good greasy spoon diner is priceless provided it doesn't claim to be Per Se. A restaurant that makes claims better live up to those claims. I've cooked with published chefs. I read cookbooks the way some read romance novels. I study food because I love it, and I love being able to cook it. I assess every restaurant I eat in as if I am the owner looking for improvements. I know who Escoffier is. And, I don't eat in fast food restaurants. I've earned my seat at the table.
Our $330 bill, which included a 10-12% punitive tip, was purposefully low for several reasons. There were three drinkers but they didn't want to order a second drink because my husband sent his first Crown Royal and water back because it was so lightly touched by Crown. He has never done that before, and the drink that was returned to him was no better. Either the bartender needs training or the restaurant is dictating that the drinks are poured ridiculously light. My family - usually the life of any party - was close to stone-faced once they read the menu, saw the prices, endured several delays, and experienced poorly-trained staff. One server carried my bottle of Voss under his arm. We ordered two appetizers for the table. The conch fritters were gummy inside and the accompanying sauce simply flavorless. The baked Brie was reluctantly substituted for the potato chips with warm blue cheese sauce, which was 86'ed by the kitchen at 8 pm on a Saturday. Surely they weren't surprised they had potato chip loving patrons on a Saturday night? Was it a failed mise en place or lack of potatoes that foiled them? The baked Brie had a colorless crust that needed another six minutes in the oven but was rushed out of the kitchen, so it could arrive 12 minutes instead of 18 minutes after the fritters made it to our table. Did we eat it? Yes. It was 8:30 pm, and we were hungry.
Look for Part II of this review ...
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