Fat Smitty's

The dudes juicing at the health club rarely remember that the roids will only make them look big. To get strong they actually have to lift big and suffer like the rest of us. Fat Smitty’s burger is the roid-head who does 12 sets of forearm curls. No other time in dining memory has there been so great a chasm between the way a burger looks and the satisfaction it bestows. Or takes away. The Fat Smitty builds us up so high with something looking so delicious and then drowns the tasting center of our brains with large portions of horrendous mediocrity. The restaurant itself is a novelty – that wore off after one visit. The 5-foot burger in the driveway, the menacing “keep off” signs, the thousands of dollar bills stapled to every surface everywhere all scream: “Look at ME! I’m the most uniquest (sp?) dive-bar ever!” And in that, they have a point. Never before has a burger looked so good and tasted so average. It did not help that the patties were grotesquely overcooked and drowned in not-so-secret ranch dressing. The “Freedom Fries” (yes, there are still people who think this play is cute) are ok but honestly, when they’re cut as large they just don’t cook through as well without making the outside overcooked. The service is downright rude and the fizzy sugar sodas don’t come with refills. How many strikes is that? Cuz here’s another: you know all those dollar bills stapled to the walls and ceilings and every other damn place? Well, they’ve been there for a while. This means that whereas the average restaurant that has, oh, I don’t know, 4 walls to clean, Fatty’s has 10,000 times the surface area all sitting there catching dust. And releasing it into your food every time someone opens the door or walks quickly to the bathroom. 5-minute rule does not apply to that collection of filth. Is there a 5-year rule? I don’t imagine the rude relics working there bust out the feather-duster all that often. Anyway, if you really want to come here, have the clam chowder and watch your friends be disappointed by themselves. Sneak a bite of their patty and you’ll thank me for saving you the blow. Love, Mealschpeal com more

We had a great time! We were hosting guests from Korea...they totally loved it! We found it during our NW road tour. It beats out other places we have visited that were recommended on the food network. We look forward to another tour this fall that includes Fat Smitty's.\r I too am from the mid-west....please don't think we are all pretentious, close-minded, intollerant, preachy liberals like that last guy. Wow, I think he's probably hating life. Dude, it's a BURGER JOINT! Save your speech for the 'sheeple', not the people. Pros: The People, the food, and Americana galore. more

One of the best burgers I have ever had. If they made it with Top Sirloin I would move to the peninsula. The reviewer before me was obviously foreign to the Northwest. He can go eat at Burger King - more for us! Pros: great combo of ingredients Cons: ? more

Good thing our friends took us here, or I would have walked out. I am from the midwest, and so it surprises me to say that this is the most jingoistic right wing place I have ever seen. The place is plastered with idiotic patriotic propaganda, so ironic that it pains me. The only thing more disgusting than the atmosphere is the Smitty burger itself. I've eaten a lot of burgers in my time, and this is the worst one I can recall. No flavor, just as much cheap ingredients as they could pool together, and a total joke at $8.25. I guess this is the American way huh? The burger isn't that big anyways. I finished mine in 5 minutes. Save your money and brains for Port Townsend. Pros: Hawaiian waitress is a riot. Cons: Everything. more

Whenever I have friends visit the Olympic Peninsula, this is one of the places they HAVE to go. Huge freaking burgers with a decor that's just plain wacky (but rad). DON'T pass it up if you're on 101 (look for the carving of a fat man in Discovery Bay). Be advised, they're only open from late spring to early fall (May to October usually). Pros: Crazy atmosphere, huge burgers Cons: Not open all year more

Ok, if you're on a long road trip to the BEST BURGER (like we often do), make a trip to Fat Smitty's where the highway to Sequim (Hwy 104) meets the back road to Port Townsend at Discovery Bay. Fat Smitty's is BY FAR the tallest, best tasting burger. Welcome are (in order) Marines (Semper Fi!), Robbie Knievel (local boy), Washington State Patrolmen (they know where to eat--look at their bellies!), bikers, ANY military vet, right wingers, gun toters, USA lovers! The Fat Smitty is 10"" tall (yes, ladies, a big ten inch!) and almost impossible to finish. Funky, fun, layed back, AFFORDABLE. GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT!!! Pros: Big burgers, Military friendly, Funky locals to stare Cons: Hell, it's Disco Bay!, Two beer limit, Two beer limit more

If you are hungry don't drive by this burger joint. It's well worth the stop. Great Burger and a cute little quaint place. more