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Review content:
Disclaimer: This restaurant serves Pepsi products!
Maybe it is because I insist on shopping in Mentor, a richer suburb of Cleveland, that places me in situations of extreme ditziness and teenage retardation. That is about all I can think of for that... I HOPE it is only that, and that evolution has not succombed to fewer brain cells, all of which are simultaneously gasping for oxygen while what is left is vaporously escaping the head through a continually flapping mouth.
I fear though, that society is doomed to a generation of retards. Far from vapid, even though a lack of intelligence is highly obvious, these teens take up jobs at places such as our local Panera, and await unsuspecting customers.
Today was one such occurrence. The irony? The total conversation between the employees and ourselves maybe totalled 2 minutes, tops. What we heard, though, was enough to last a lifetime.
I am scared to say I am in the same generation as these people. *sobs*
Hungry, my husband and I decided to munch at Panera, one of my favorite quasi-fast food joints. Well, I decided. He acquiesced.
The concept behind Panera is simple: artisan breads and pastries; served with other artsy-fartsy health foods and fancy sandwiches. The pricing is more than McDonald's, but less than say, Applebees. The result? Yummy breads and sandwiches, soups (which are made from scratch and change daily) and various side items.
Samples of their breads are always available when you walk in. They also serve various flavors of teas and coffees. A bakery is separate from the "fast food" portion of the store, but you can order bakery items to be served with your meal. In some cases, you can use your receipt to receive a discount on a separate bakery purchase the same day.
The easy part of this review is the food. It is delicious, but probably too many tastes for a child. Foccaccia, lots of strong cheeses, and fresh herbs (mint, for instance) often adorn their sandwiches and salads, which would undoubtedly result in lots of "Ew!!!" from a kid. The soup is always hot, and tastes great.
Of course, they also have a large selection of vegan-friendly items, for those of you that diet that route.
The staff, though, at every Panera, always seems to be teenagers. At one, I swear they were high. They giggled at EVERYTHING. That was not this store.
At this one, a sober-but-bored cashier took our order, and we wandered down the counter to await my name to be called. My husband took our pop cups to the machine and filled them, and I waited with my small cup of freshly cut fruit.
The girl behind the counter preparing our food said, and I quote:
"Michelle is a problem. Michelle is a problem. Michelle is a problem. She isn't here right now, but she is a problem. See? I told you, Michelle is a problem, like, you should have seen her!!"
I felt my brain cells implode from agony. I resisted the impulse to use the metal serving utensil to make sure this girl never reproduces.
A girl in the back of the building, in the kitchen, unseen, said "Ohmigod!, really?"
I almost yelled, "Yes, really? Didn't you hear her? Michelle is a problem!"
I didn't. My husband is trying not to laugh, watching my face. I was waiting at this point for her to struggle at the pronunciation of my name. Obviously, reading is a struggle for someone this shallow.
I was disappointed. She finished my husband's panini, looked up at me, mumbled "Stacy", and waved with her hand vaguely in the direction of our two platters.
I take my food, wander over to our table, and we proceed to eat.
Everything after that is rather boring. It tasted great (I had the broccoli-cheese soup with the baguette piece), and we refilled our pops. We then headed home.
In short, if you are ever in a Panera, the food is great. Just be prepared for idiots galore to take your order.
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