Well, after going a few times with much disappointment, I decided to go again for NYE 2010 and well, I wish I would have gone for a colonoscopy instead. Let me recap this night of regret and debauchery...well, for starters, we all had to stand outside for 25-30 min in 5 degree weather in a line that looked like we were all trying to get our hands on 1 of 5 limited quantity 50"" plasma screens at Best Buy.But you know what? After you lost sensation of your ears, toes, and fingers and accepted your fate and made your calls to your loved ones to say goodbye and to tell em you love them.......it wasn't all that bad. I say this because I wasn't one of the incredibly poor souls that were kicked out of waiting in this line and in this weather due to their choice in footwear. I mean this place had their Tool Academy drop outs inspecting our feet like defected barnyard animals who were not suited to be slaughtered for distribution. So, there I waited, quivering, alone, bracing myself, trying not to bring attention to my feet, and saying one last prayer before I am judged at the door. I see many get dismissed before me, and I surely think I am next, but something happens....I am let in. Victory. Oh no....not just yet. ""Hey, what about these?"" I hear the apprentice Tool Bag in training ask his Douchee Lord. He looks down at my feet and by the grace of all that is good, grants me a pass in. I kindly bow and kiss this young douche's pinky and leave him my watch as a gesture of gratitude. Literally....as soon as I step foot inside, I bump into someone. The internal line is all the way to the door! I see two massive lines and hope that I am in the correct one. I am quickly questioned my desire of a coat check, I dismiss this and turn to realize that I am in the coat check line and the line to my right is the line to go upstairs to the ""party."" At this point I am begging for a black out, so that I may do 1 of 2 things: flee this hellish boot camp for tools, or run home on foot and never turn back. I decide to bow my head and turn around and go into the 2nd line and continue this shameful and sad journey. At this point, we are actually wrapping around their dining area and basically wishing for midnight to come so that we may go home and cry ourselves to sleep. If I had wanted to go to Great America and visit the Iron Wolf, I would have done so, however, not on one of the coldest days of the year. Time passes....I am passing in and out of consciousness...but then, all of a sudden I am being yelled at and am jolted back into reality. It is a bigger douchee this time around and he is telling me to keep moving...I brace myself for a pistol whip, but there is nothing. Silence. I am relieved. I am then greeted by a orange bimbo at a register who probably thinks I desire her, when in reality I desire her to look into a mirror and see her interesting shade of orange.. She angrily applies a thin strip of paper onto my wrist that I paid $65 for and blew fire on the edges to seal it together. Magnificent creature. Then, just as I am about to venture into this Holy land, I am stopped! I am face to face with yet another douchee who represents this academy for douchees' and he asks me to hand over a ticket in my hands, a ticket that clearly has not been used and is not mine. I gently tell him, it is my friends and I am waiting for him to be granted entry...he allows me to move on. Again, I am grateful. Today is a good day. Then I take 3 steps up...STOP! I am again, scared for my life. At this point in time, I am facing a swollen douchee tool bag hybrid. Now these are not like the ordinary douchee bags that work here, oh no....this one has special abilities that you must be careful about. So again, I grimace and squint my eyes and prepare for
impact...nothing....I am blessed. He asks to see my wristband that the dragon lady below 20 feet from him just placed on my wrist like a tourniquet.
Pros: nothing
Cons: everything
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