""I can't believe this place. First we got carded by this old, sloppy red-headed doorman in tight shorts and a knee brace whose English is almost completely unintelligible, but is a local legend for some reason. I went to the bar, and the bartender who was falling-down drunk himself made me a cocktail so strong that it was almost undrinkable. Then, when I pulled out my American Express card, everyone just started laughing at me. They were playing rock-and-roll music on a juke box, and there were some big, drunk Australian guys in rugby shirts bumping into me. Then some blonde came over and, without saying a word, jammed her tongue in my mouth while this other loud chubby girl who claimed to be from Uruguay would not leave my friends alone. Five stars.""
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