This pizza is not bad, it’s a shame that it’s so small and costs about 20 dollars a pound. These are the inevitable thoughts of any reasonably intelligent patron of the California pizza kitchen. I once lived in California, and I can assure all reading this, that there are no such kitchens in existence in the Golden State. No no, we dudes enjoy pizza of the normal size and of the reasonable price just as much as our conservative bretheren. Therefore, I must strike down this kitchen which has no connection to the great state which was my former state of residence and name it as it truly is: a trendy place for yuppies to gather after watching the latest movie and pretend to be unable to finish their pathetically small pizzas.
A true turnoff when eating at the CPK as we cool folk have dubbed it is to see the absolutely enormous amounts of pizza thrown away without a second thought while, you knew it was coming, millions of Africans starve to death every year. At least ask for a doggie box you spoiled yuppie woman! I bet you buy a six dollar bag of popcorn and eat half of it, and then spill the rest all over the floor on purpose. No, I don’t want to hear you call your best friend who’s shopping at Neiman Marcus and tell her how awful the movie was. If you enjoy having these thoughts race through your head as you hurriedly eat a tiny, overpriced, cleverly named pizza, then you’re in luck. Make sure to bring your cell phone, you might get a crucial call in the middle of dinner, or better yet, in the middle of that awful movie.
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